I recently rediscovered the Internet Oracle, a most wonderful source of wisdom (assuming the Oracle does not ZOT! you for asking a dumb question). Since I survived my first year as a youth group sponsor at my church, I decided to ask the Oracle how I should continue on for next year. Here is my question an dthe Oracle's reply:
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh wise Oracle, greatest of that delphic clan, I beg of the to answer > my question. > > This past year I became one of the adult sponsors for the youth group > at my church. Now that I have gotten the teenagers to like me, what > would the best way to twist their little minds to the Dark Side without > their parents realizing what is going on? (P.S. This needs to be done > on the cheap since it's a small church and we don't have the biggest > budget for youth activities.) > > I await with supplication your gnostic revelations on my teen-control > strategy. > -- > Cory C. Albrecht > http://cory.doesntexist.com/ > Advertising (n): the science of arresting the human intelligence for > long enough to get money from it. > -- Stephen Leacock. > > > And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } } In the future, if you're going to ask advice for how to corrupt young } minds, I recommend you don't sign your name on the bottom... Mr. } Leacock. } } I'd say America's already got their bases covered -- teachers can } already "screen" children for possible mental problems with the help } of an Texan ex-governor, even diagnose their supposed conditions; it } gets them started on drugs right away. Any goody-two-shoes you can report } as a "possible Columbine risk" to the Pinkerton Agency or Department } of Homeland Security. } } But I understand you want to expand your base of operations to the } world, and there is also something /genuinely/ American about a } do-it-yourself and elbow-grease attitude. Bravo for not resorting to } the government to twist young minds. } } Perhaps the most famous corrupter of young student's minds was Socrates, } whose doctrine of doubt and critical thinking roused a whole city into } a lynch mob -- well, a hemlock mob, he was an old man after all -- and } distorted young men's minds for generations if not centuries after him. } } Another example of how critical thinking can twist one's spirit is in } the Jesuit Order: it's said that the regimen of analytical thinking that } Jesuit priests have to go learn will either render their faith } invulnerable, or destroy their faith utterly. } } I suggest you follow the example of history and teach these children to } think for themselves, to scrutinize authority, and to pause for thought } before obeying people who claim to be their betters. } } You owe the Oracle some Jonestown soda-pop, or Davidian BBQ sauce. }
